The Adventures of Lonely Girl

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I am lonely girl.

Here's hoping that changes soon.

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Unrequited Love

I've been there. I mean, I'm LonelyGirl afterall. I've gone through all the motions, I've asked all the questions. You know, the usual- why not me? What is this? Who am I to you? The trick, I've found is to just... ride it out. If it happens, well and good. One might feel like this feeling won't ever end, like you'd just wallow in misery until he/she decides to reciprocate your undying love or you die, whichever comes first.
 
But the truth is, you get over it. Your heart stops beating for someone who's not chasing back. It feels like it takes forever but well, at least it will end.
 
Unrequited love is the worst. It's the worst kind of loneliness- feeling so strongly for someone who feels nothing. Love is like the only reason anyone ever really does anything... so when it's not recieved, it hurts than when a love story ends. Because at least with love stories that end, it had the chance to start, you know? Unrequited love stories, especially those that stay that way, it wasn't given a chance to begin. So not only are you tormented by the fact that the person you love is not in love with you, you're also haunted by constant thoughts of 'what could have been'.
 
And in the words of some dead poet:
 
"Of all the words of tongue and pen, these are the saddest: it might have been."
 
But it gets easier because however much it hurts right now, how ever much you think your heart can't ever beat again,. All you have to do is take comfort in the fact that soulmates aren't real, or there's not just one person for each person, and that 'happily ever after' is a term Walt Disney invented.

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Posted 12 days ago

First Day

I remember when I couldn't sleep at night because the next day would be the first day of school, anticipating how everyone would have changed, the exhiliration of writing on new notebooks with brand new ballpens, the anxiety of learning who your teachers will be, the smell of early morning because it's been a while since you were up early enough to catch the sky blue.
 
Now I'm all grown up and the thrill of first days are behind me. HAHA. I guess in college they lose their splendor because they happen twice too often. Maybe because I go to a college that sorts per block and that I happen to major in the most unpopular course so new people come few and far between. I miss the extra adrenaline of not knowing exactly how your day will pan out, or at least make it special for some reason. Like coming home and ragging your brain for the name of that cute new classmate or whatever.
 
But I won't have that tomorrow. I'll notice new hairstyles at best. I don't care much for new professors either (just hoping they show up at all because I don't want to have left the house for no good reason).
 
It's a me thing, wanting new things- feeling like something extraordinary is going to happen. Okayyy, maybe it's a human thing. We don't always want to live our usual patterns. And I've found that college is all about patterns... and for the last few years it had been the same: wake, bathe, school, occasionally hang out, home, pretend to study while really facebook/tumblr/twittering, bed then you get to do it all over again.
 
I'm afraid when I graduate and when my life begins I'll find a pattern and my entire individuality just sticks to it like glue. That's why I'm on the fence about law. Four more years of school then office work?
 
Tomorrow is another first day. The first day of the second sem of my third year.
 
Whatever. I've learned that if someone wants to gripe, she'll find something to gripe about if she looks hard enough. How did that saying from 500 Days of Summer go?

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memories in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. You can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event."
 
Okay, that was irrelevant but I guess the point is that we don't wake up with a knowing feeling that today will matter. It's up to us, etc... you know how it goes.

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Posted 14 days ago

I DON'T LIKE THIS BLOGHOST. I'M SO FRICKIN FICKLE. I'M FICKLE GIRL. GRRR. :\

 

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Posted 17 days ago

Subtlety Fail

Blogs are diaries. They're online diaries which could possibly be the biggest irony ever. Diaries by definition, are thoughts and emotions possibly too personal to share to the world before one dies whereas anything on the internet is virtually the property of everyone who has access.

So I moved from Tumblr because I felt that blogging has changed from being a release of personal feelings to a popularity contest of faux pretentious people and pictures of kittens (I have issues with kittens).

In retrospect, leaving a link (no matter how tiny it was) was giving a hint to the people who ever cared about what I have to say to come find me again. I shouldn't mind, should I? I guess I just don't want anyone to come here and find relation to themselves and think I've made some website to backstab them or something.

This is all about me. And my reactions. And my feelings.

Also, No one need worry, you know what I'm saying? I'm just inherently deep and melancholic. I'm not about to jump off a bridge or whatever. I just tend to reflect the hell out of everything.

But I get it.

We all have our days. But that's the thing. They're just days, they pass and the next day is a whole other thing.

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Posted 17 days ago

TOMORROW I TURN MY LIFE AROUND

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Posted 17 days ago

Identity Crisis

You know I really hate it when people think me and just go straight to computer or whatever. I don't know, maybe it's the impression I give out. Probably the impression I give. I don't know what it is. I've always been techie but it doesn't mean that that's all there is to me, you know what I'm saying?
 
Like my own personal stereotype. I'm the computer chick.
 
It's an identity thing. When people think me, they think, I make the best powerpoint presentations, I'm online 24/7, my laptop has the strongest antivirus.
 
How appealing.
 
Why is that? I mean, I'm hardly in front of the computer anyway. I go online intermittently, check accounts and go on my merry way.
 
Now I sound like I'm on the defense.
 
Anyway, no matter what people say, even if they're not necessarily horrible things, they're still judgments on your persona. No one likes to be judged, not for any reason.
 
 

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Posted 18 days ago

The Evolution of My Bad Schedule

My schedule, which was already bad to begin with--- 5 school days, sleepy afternoon classes, three subjects on Saturday...
 
Just became way worse with the addition of a leftover PE course, three single-subject days, three courses on Saturday and a friggin night class. I literally want to cry. :((
 
I've been meaning to fix my life (I guess everyone's been meaning to fix their lives every single day they wake up) but this schedule is depressing me. I mean, I don't think I'd have time for a social life this semester. Not to mention no more time for regular chill days with my blockmates because I don't have long breaks anymore (I'm one of those stay-at-home-as-much-as-possible people). Oh, and it's a safe bet badminton thursdays (or any other day for that matter) will be out of the question.
 
Also, I made a schedule (third photo) of what it would be like if I lived in a world where good things happened to me.

     

Filed under  //  bad luck  
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Posted 19 days ago

Lonliness, it's overrated

I guess I'm not really lonely all the time. I mean, who is lonely 100% of the time? I'm just lonely right now, specifically tonight. I can assure you I won't feel so lonely tomorrow, but it has something to do with the fact that I like being alone anyway.
 
I've grown accustomed to being by myself. Sometimes, when I'm with a lot of people, I let my mind drift away, take myself to a place where I wouldn't be so bothered by other people's crap. In moments where I'm really happy- I mean genuinely so and not just whenever I'm laughing, I let myself go and really live the moment. But with moments that are unbelievably joyful, I tend to stop and think "Wait, is this really happening? Is this really happening to me?"
 
Pretty sad, huh? Do I come across as someone who thinks so lowly of herself? Because that's the exact opposite of who I am and how I function. I do love myself. I think highly of myself... sometimes so much so.
 
I have this theory that less people love me because I love myself too much.

Filed under  //  insight   personal  
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Posted 19 days ago